animalstalkinginallcaps:

WHERE IS IT?

HONEY, SERIOUSLY. YOU’RE NOT GOING TO FIND ANYTHING.

WHERE’S THE ZIPPER? OR IS IT A BATTERY COMPARTMENT? AN ON/OFF SWITCH? WHAT DO YOU HAVE?

A SCAR OR TWO. A BODACIOUS DERRIERE. THAT’S ABOUT IT.

NO ACTUAL BOYFRIEND REMEMBERS THE WEIRD BRITISH CANDIES I MENTIONED IN PASSING A MONTH AGO AND HAS A CASE OF THEM SHIPPED TO MY WORK WITH A CUTE LITTLE NOTE CARD. YOU’RE A ROBOT, OR AN ALIEN OR SOMETHING.

I JUST THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE-

WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR? HOW MUCH ARE THEY PAYING YOU?

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